Call me Stupid, I Don't Care

People have asked me what happened to ELMER at the 2010 National Book Awards. It's easy to answer. And the answer is nothing. Look, in all absolute honesty, I have to admit that it would be nice to be at the very least nominated, but I really don't think I can win it, never in a million years. Other people are doing just much better work.

After a few conversations with people, and an untimely letter from the National Book Development Board, I now realize that I don't even stand of a chance of nomination.

Apparently, the system in place goes like this. For a book to be nominated, the publisher must be a member of the NBDB, and second, the publisher must submit 6 copies of the book (with ISBN) along with other requirements upon a specific deadline. In other words, the publisher must send the book to the NBDB, asking them to consider the book for inclusion.

I was unaware of this until after the deadline had passed.

Upon reflection, I now realize that none of the books I will publish through Komikero Publishing will ever get nominated because I will not submit any of my books for consideration. Why? Because I simply don't agree with this particular system of nomination.

I believe my book, or any book for that matter, should stand and fall upon its own merits, without any additional prodding from me. I don't have to go anywhere, book in hand, telling people, "Here, please nominate my book." For some reason, something about this rubs me the wrong way.

If none of the judges of the National Book Award is even aware of my book's existence, then it can only mean two things. One, they don't go out of their way to find out what books are actually being published in the Philippines, and two, my book is simply not that noticeable, or even notable. The reasons can be both. And I perfectly accept that.

The fact that judges simply wait for whatever books are submitted to them before they consider which among them is best, automatically disqualifies what I'm sure are plenty of other books out there whose publishers are not members of NBDB, or don't submit their books for nomination.

If this is the case, how can the results be ever considered to be a true representation of the entire publishing output of the Philippines on any given year? The answers is it can't ever possibly be.

Look, I'm just writing this all down because a few people were asking for an explanation. It would have been nice to have a nomination, but since none is forthcoming, then it's totally acceptable to me. Other people are just doing better stuff. No sweat. I don't create my comics for such things anyway. I'm just perfectly happy having the opportunity to share my stories with those who want to read them.

Like Flies on Shit

Whenever I post a status update on Facebook, and sometimes on Twitter about food, someone will always post, fingerwagging about the health hazard I'm eating. They descend on me like flies on shit.I know they mean well, but such unsolicited opinion is to me just plain rude. You post about something nice that you're enjoying and here's someone with a great big needle to puncture your balloon and ruin your day.

Sometimes I just want to post about a grossly unhealthy food like you know, triple pounder burgers dripping with mayo and cheese with bacon and gravy and special sauce, with a side dish of deep fried fries, refried beans and buttered mushrooms just to bait the motherfuckers.

In the name of GOD

Thank you for coming up to me at my home, on the street, or on the bus, sharing the word of God. I understand that it's your mission to spread the word of God because that's pretty much written in the Bible, isn't it? But please let me stop you right there.

I'm Catholic and since it's clear that you're not, it might be best if we just talk about other things because I know where this conversation is going. We'll just end up arguing about the finer points of written scripture. We already believe the same Christian God. Why can't we leave it at that? If we start arguing and bickering about our beliefs, how must that look, not only to our fellow human beings, but to God as well?

Fighting and arguing in the name of God? Do you think HE will be happy about that?

Look, I already know the word of God. You're preaching the converted. The only reason you persist on talking to me is because you think what I believe is wrong and what you believe is right, isn't it?

Not only are we arguing in the name of God, you are judging me in front of God. And you know what HE says about judging other people.

Why don't you take your mission to non-Christians? Or better yet, why don't you try and convert atheists? Because that's what it missionary work is all about, right?

The thing it is with you, is you let the Catholic Church do all the dirty work. The Catholics spread Christianity all over the non-Christian world, and many Catholic missionaries have died because of it. And once these places have been successfully converted, you come rolling in and try to convert the Catholics to YOUR beliefs. That's hitting it below the belt, don't you think? A little underhanded? A little unnecessary? Where's the challenge in that?

So please, don't waste your time with me. Convert an atheist. Let's see how you do.

Que pasa?

Defenders

I've been in a lot of Internet battles in the 13 years I've been online. The most furious of which have happened on my main blog where I'm pretty opinionated about many things, specially the Philippine comic book industry. It's a part of being opinionated I guess, to have such equally dissenting opinion. Not all the battles have been about comics. Some have been about current events, politics, and even personal issues. I'd like to think that I can pretty much stand up for myself in defense of my opinion. I may get hot under the collar once in a while, but I only do so because I feel so passionately about my beliefs. Sometimes people do jump in and help defend me. Online acquaintances, readers of my work, those who believe the same things as I do. I do appreciate that, but sometimes you just wonder where your friends are.

I've defended friends when they had their own Internet battles, sometimes, at a cost to myself. I've lost friends perhaps prevented future friendships from coming to pass because I chose to defend one over another. I don't mind. That's what friends do, right? I guess sometimes, I wish friends would do the same for me. Perhaps they think I can handle it myself, and like I said, I can.

But it would be a great help to me emotionally and it would encourage me greatly if I knew they were there, because honestly, with the exception of my wife, sometimes I just feel so alone. Sometimes I would like to feel that my friends have my back, not just quietly, but out there where other people can see it. Oftentimes I feel like I'm a nutcase because it seems like I'm the only one saying something. Knowing friends are there would help me feel a little less crazy.

INSANE

My Hey Baby video has taken off and exploded into insane proportions. I can't even begin to describe it. It's overwhelming, if I can be honest. It's great and fantastic, but I don't know how to take all these "Pedo smile" comments. I know most of them mean well, and they're using that term without any malice or any reference to real pedophilia, but it still makes me uncomfortable. I think pedophilia is one of the most heinous, most despicable and horrible things one human being can do to another. For it to be used in reference, however affectionately, to what is by all means a completely innocent video, is incomprehensible to me. People who aren't into this kind of culture will most likely misconstrue the comment and reflect very poorly on me. It's got the potential to be very damaging.

Nevertheless, I also do get comments that I make happy videos that make people smile, and that's what I appreciate the most. Because in a way, that's one of the reasons why I do them in the first place. First of all, creating videos on You Tube is my de-stresser from work. You have no idea how liberating and exhilarating to cast off my normal restrictions on decorum and just go ape. I feel completely free. And when all that's done, I retreat again to my drawing table and disappear into my own thoughts and problems until I make another video. But to get feedback that my videos make people smile and it's their de-stresser from their own problems is an added bonus. That feels great.

Summer Holiday

Well, it's not exactly summer anymore, but we are gonna go on a Holiday, kind of. It's still summer as far as I'm concerned because it's still so damned hot. And we are gonna go out of town and check in into a hotel. Staying at a hotel itself is a holiday, specially since it's a good hotel.

It's been 2004 since Ilyn and I went on a trip like this and I think it's about time. The last few years have been difficult for us and only during the past year or so have we gotten back on our feet. 2007-2009 are years I don't ever wanna visit again. Not that I actually have a choice.

Fingers crossed that the plane doesn't crash. I may seem like I'm joking, but I do have a fear of flying. Well, the fear is there all the way to the airport and all the way to the waiting area right before we board. As soon as I settle down on my seat, the fear pretty much goes away. It comes back a bit during takeoff and landing, but I pretty much enjoy the flight. Bummer that our trip is at night and I can't see the land falling away as we take off, and the land coming closer as we come down.

Those are the perks of flying to me you know, to get to see the land from above, and see the small houses and trees and roads and vehicles going to and fro. It's no thrill flying at night because you don't get to see much except lights. Well, the lights of Metro Manila are nice to look at during the evenings, so that's a consolation.

I still remember one unforgettable moment in 1999 flying from Detroit to New York and there was Manhattan Island spread out right outside my window. It was incredible. Mind boggling. Crazy almost. I'm envious of the local guys going to New York Comic-con this year. Well, I'm envious every year. I just avoid going for now. Too much expense for me.

Curious Pattern

My Hey, Baby! video continues to make the rounds. There seems to be a pattern forming in the kinds of comments I receive. I seem to be getting 20-50 or sometimes more comments in a single day. A while back I seemed to have gotten a lot of American sounding comments. When I looked at the video stats, it seemed my video suddenly got a lot of views in the US.

And all of a sudden a couple of weeks later, I started getting messages in German or messages saying they come from Germany. The comments I get from people there are probably the most respectful and most cordial. I looked at the video stats and indeed my video has suddenly gotten a lot of views in Germany and Austria.

And just recently, I suddenly got a rash of Spanish or Portuguese comments. I checked the stats and yes indeed, my video is now getting lots of views from South America.

At some point in the past, my video was very popular in Latvia, for some reason. But the strange thing is, they never commented.

Busy

It's crazy how fast time flies now. At least how fast it seems to fly. I'm sure time flows as normally as it did when I was a kid... and yet, when I was 5 o 6, things seem to take forever. Days seemed to last longer, years seemed to last entire lifetimes. Now everything is rushing forward at an unbelievable pace. Life is like a bullet train now, and I feel like I'm right in front, the train at my back, my feet in front of me against the tracks trying desperately to slow it down and say "Hold on, wait a fucking minute, you're moving too FAST! Can you just let me breathe for a while, and while we're at it, take it easy, Jesus! Slow down! Enjoy the ride, smell the flowers, look at that sky. There's no sense in this mad rush to the future."

But all I get are bloody splintered feet.

Honesty

I wish I could be more honest. Not that I lie a lot. What I probably mean is that I wish I could share more. Some people just let it all out online. Be completely honest with their innermost emotions. I find I can't do that.

Perhaps doing it in comic book form would be more appropriate for me. Not because it's what I do but because I find I don't mind being really open when I do comics. My Crest Hut strips are proof of that.

But even then my Crest Hut stuff, specially the ones in print are exaggerated to ridiculousness. But they all have their origin in a germ of truth.

What if I go completely honest? No exaggerations, no fill ins, no omissions, no censorship. I probably won't let people read it. Until I'm dead, or old enough not to care.