A Record of Me

Call me Stupid, I Don't Care

2011-03-24T14:14:00.001+08:00

People have asked me what happened to ELMER at the 2010 National Book Awards. It's easy to answer. And the answer is nothing. Look, in all absolute honesty, I have to admit that it would be nice to be at the very least nominated, but I really don't think I can win it, never in a million years. Other people are doing just much better work.

After a few conversations with people, and an untimely letter from the National Book Development Board, I now realize that I don't even stand of a chance of nomination.

Apparently, the system in place goes like this. For a book to be nominated, the publisher must be a member of the NBDB, and second, the publisher must submit 6 copies of the book (with ISBN) along with other requirements upon a specific deadline. In other words, the publisher must send the book to the NBDB, asking them to consider the book for inclusion.

I was unaware of this until after the deadline had passed.

Upon reflection, I now realize that none of the books I will publish through Komikero Publishing will ever get nominated because I will not submit any of my books for consideration. Why? Because I simply don't agree with this particular system of nomination.

I believe my book, or any book for that matter, should stand and fall upon its own merits, without any additional prodding from me. I don't have to go anywhere, book in hand, telling people, "Here, please nominate my book." For some reason, something about this rubs me the wrong way.

If none of the judges of the National Book Award is even aware of my book's existence, then it can only mean two things. One, they don't go out of their way to find out what books are actually being published in the Philippines, and two, my book is simply not that noticeable, or even notable. The reasons can be both. And I perfectly accept that.

The fact that judges simply wait for whatever books are submitted to them before they consider which among them is best, automatically disqualifies what I'm sure are plenty of other books out there whose publishers are not members of NBDB, or don't submit their books for nomination.

If this is the case, how can the results be ever considered to be a true representation of the entire publishing output of the Philippines on any given year? The answers is it can't ever possibly be.

Look, I'm just writing this all down because a few people were asking for an explanation. It would have been nice to have a nomination, but since none is forthcoming, then it's totally acceptable to me. Other people are just doing better stuff. No sweat. I don't create my comics for such things anyway. I'm just perfectly happy having the opportunity to share my stories with those who want to read them.

Like Flies on Shit

2010-12-10T12:01:00.002+08:00

Whenever I post a status update on Facebook, and sometimes on Twitter about food, someone will always post, fingerwagging about the health hazard I'm eating. They descend on me like flies on shit.I know they mean well, but such unsolicited opinion is to me just plain rude. You post about something nice that you're enjoying and here's someone with a great big needle to puncture your balloon and ruin your day.

Sometimes I just want to post about a grossly unhealthy food like you know, triple pounder burgers dripping with mayo and cheese with bacon and gravy and special sauce, with a side dish of deep fried fries, refried beans and buttered mushrooms just to bait the motherfuckers.

In the name of GOD

2010-11-09T07:34:00.001+08:00

Thank you for coming up to me at my home, on the street, or on the bus, sharing the word of God. I understand that it's your mission to spread the word of God because that's pretty much written in the Bible, isn't it? But please let me stop you right there.

I'm Catholic and since it's clear that you're not, it might be best if we just talk about other things because I know where this conversation is going. We'll just end up arguing about the finer points of written scripture. We already believe the same Christian God. Why can't we leave it at that? If we start arguing and bickering about our beliefs, how must that look, not only to our fellow human beings, but to God as well?

Fighting and arguing in the name of God? Do you think HE will be happy about that?

Look, I already know the word of God. You're preaching the converted. The only reason you persist on talking to me is because you think what I believe is wrong and what you believe is right, isn't it?

Not only are we arguing in the name of God, you are judging me in front of God. And you know what HE says about judging other people.

Why don't you take your mission to non-Christians? Or better yet, why don't you try and convert atheists? Because that's what it missionary work is all about, right?

The thing it is with you, is you let the Catholic Church do all the dirty work. The Catholics spread Christianity all over the non-Christian world, and many Catholic missionaries have died because of it. And once these places have been successfully converted, you come rolling in and try to convert the Catholics to YOUR beliefs. That's hitting it below the belt, don't you think? A little underhanded? A little unnecessary? Where's the challenge in that?

So please, don't waste your time with me. Convert an atheist. Let's see how you do.

Que pasa?

2010-10-31T19:00:00.000+08:00

Defenders

2010-10-30T17:20:00.003+08:00

I've been in a lot of Internet battles in the 13 years I've been online. The most furious of which have happened on my main blog where I'm pretty opinionated about many things, specially the Philippine comic book industry. It's a part of being opinionated I guess, to have such equally dissenting opinion. Not all the battles have been about comics. Some have been about current events, politics, and even personal issues. I'd like to think that I can pretty much stand up for myself in defense of my opinion. I may get hot under the collar once in a while, but I only do so because I feel so passionately about my beliefs. Sometimes people do jump in and help defend me. Online acquaintances, readers of my work, those who believe the same things as I do. I do appreciate that, but sometimes you just wonder where your friends are.

I've defended friends when they had their own Internet battles, sometimes, at a cost to myself. I've lost friends perhaps prevented future friendships from coming to pass because I chose to defend one over another. I don't mind. That's what friends do, right? I guess sometimes, I wish friends would do the same for me. Perhaps they think I can handle it myself, and like I said, I can.

But it would be a great help to me emotionally and it would encourage me greatly if I knew they were there, because honestly, with the exception of my wife, sometimes I just feel so alone. Sometimes I would like to feel that my friends have my back, not just quietly, but out there where other people can see it. Oftentimes I feel like I'm a nutcase because it seems like I'm the only one saying something. Knowing friends are there would help me feel a little less crazy.

INSANE

2010-10-16T08:10:00.000+08:00

My Hey Baby video has taken off and exploded into insane proportions. I can't even begin to describe it. It's overwhelming, if I can be honest. It's great and fantastic, but I don't know how to take all these "Pedo smile" comments. I know most of them mean well, and they're using that term without any malice or any reference to real pedophilia, but it still makes me uncomfortable. I think pedophilia is one of the most heinous, most despicable and horrible things one human being can do to another. For it to be used in reference, however affectionately, to what is by all means a completely innocent video, is incomprehensible to me. People who aren't into this kind of culture will most likely misconstrue the comment and reflect very poorly on me. It's got the potential to be very damaging.

Nevertheless, I also do get comments that I make happy videos that make people smile, and that's what I appreciate the most. Because in a way, that's one of the reasons why I do them in the first place. First of all, creating videos on You Tube is my de-stresser from work. You have no idea how liberating and exhilarating to cast off my normal restrictions on decorum and just go ape. I feel completely free. And when all that's done, I retreat again to my drawing table and disappear into my own thoughts and problems until I make another video. But to get feedback that my videos make people smile and it's their de-stresser from their own problems is an added bonus. That feels great.

Summer Holiday

2010-09-23T14:13:00.000+08:00

Well, it's not exactly summer anymore, but we are gonna go on a Holiday, kind of. It's still summer as far as I'm concerned because it's still so damned hot. And we are gonna go out of town and check in into a hotel. Staying at a hotel itself is a holiday, specially since it's a good hotel.

It's been 2004 since Ilyn and I went on a trip like this and I think it's about time. The last few years have been difficult for us and only during the past year or so have we gotten back on our feet. 2007-2009 are years I don't ever wanna visit again. Not that I actually have a choice.

Fingers crossed that the plane doesn't crash. I may seem like I'm joking, but I do have a fear of flying. Well, the fear is there all the way to the airport and all the way to the waiting area right before we board. As soon as I settle down on my seat, the fear pretty much goes away. It comes back a bit during takeoff and landing, but I pretty much enjoy the flight. Bummer that our trip is at night and I can't see the land falling away as we take off, and the land coming closer as we come down.

Those are the perks of flying to me you know, to get to see the land from above, and see the small houses and trees and roads and vehicles going to and fro. It's no thrill flying at night because you don't get to see much except lights. Well, the lights of Metro Manila are nice to look at during the evenings, so that's a consolation.

I still remember one unforgettable moment in 1999 flying from Detroit to New York and there was Manhattan Island spread out right outside my window. It was incredible. Mind boggling. Crazy almost. I'm envious of the local guys going to New York Comic-con this year. Well, I'm envious every year. I just avoid going for now. Too much expense for me.

Curious Pattern

2010-09-02T23:32:00.000+08:00

My Hey, Baby! video continues to make the rounds. There seems to be a pattern forming in the kinds of comments I receive. I seem to be getting 20-50 or sometimes more comments in a single day. A while back I seemed to have gotten a lot of American sounding comments. When I looked at the video stats, it seemed my video suddenly got a lot of views in the US.

And all of a sudden a couple of weeks later, I started getting messages in German or messages saying they come from Germany. The comments I get from people there are probably the most respectful and most cordial. I looked at the video stats and indeed my video has suddenly gotten a lot of views in Germany and Austria.

And just recently, I suddenly got a rash of Spanish or Portuguese comments. I checked the stats and yes indeed, my video is now getting lots of views from South America.

At some point in the past, my video was very popular in Latvia, for some reason. But the strange thing is, they never commented.

Busy

2010-08-19T13:48:00.000+08:00

It's crazy how fast time flies now. At least how fast it seems to fly. I'm sure time flows as normally as it did when I was a kid... and yet, when I was 5 o 6, things seem to take forever. Days seemed to last longer, years seemed to last entire lifetimes. Now everything is rushing forward at an unbelievable pace. Life is like a bullet train now, and I feel like I'm right in front, the train at my back, my feet in front of me against the tracks trying desperately to slow it down and say "Hold on, wait a fucking minute, you're moving too FAST! Can you just let me breathe for a while, and while we're at it, take it easy, Jesus! Slow down! Enjoy the ride, smell the flowers, look at that sky. There's no sense in this mad rush to the future."

But all I get are bloody splintered feet.

Honesty

2010-08-05T19:34:00.000+08:00

I wish I could be more honest. Not that I lie a lot. What I probably mean is that I wish I could share more. Some people just let it all out online. Be completely honest with their innermost emotions. I find I can't do that.

Perhaps doing it in comic book form would be more appropriate for me. Not because it's what I do but because I find I don't mind being really open when I do comics. My Crest Hut strips are proof of that.

But even then my Crest Hut stuff, specially the ones in print are exaggerated to ridiculousness. But they all have their origin in a germ of truth.

What if I go completely honest? No exaggerations, no fill ins, no omissions, no censorship. I probably won't let people read it. Until I'm dead, or old enough not to care.

Creating a Monster

2010-07-02T09:33:00.000+08:00

This thing has become a monster. From a simple video I did a long time ago to the thing it's become now, I'm quite honestly flabbergasted.

If there's anything I'm glad for is that it's making a lot of people happy. It's the one thing I never expected I'll be doing. And it's the one thing that makes ME happy about all this. I don't honestly think it will affect me in any radical way. It was just a fun thing to do and it continues to be fun. I still hunker down at my desk everyday to work, eat, nap, work and sleep at night and in the following morning I'd go back to work. And if an idea strikes me and I find some free time in between then I'll make a video.

Someone on Twitter made a comment about how I'm more popular now than I had ever been doing comics. I'm really scratching my head at that because I hadn't even been counting. One, I don't really believe I'm popular. This comics thing, this video thing... it gets me known by a few people, I can concede, but I have no illusions that I'm someone famous. That's a trap, and it's a distraction that can make you lose your focus. Fame is something I never sought out. It may seem ridiculous to hear and people would even say I'm downright lying, but fuck em. I know my own mind.

My goal has always been to create comics, and making videos on the side has been fun. Now when I do this, I can't deny that I will become known to a few people, it's inevitable. And I can't deny that I suddenly have the ear of a lot of people. I didn't want it, but it's here. What do I do with it?

There's a responsibility that comes with that, and if there are people out there who know me and listen to me, I can use that to push the cause of Philippine comics. If I can use all of this so I can have a voice in Philippine comics I'll do it.

Sickening Horror Upon Reflection

2010-06-14T14:01:00.004+08:00

Everyone has one... someone they look up to growing up, someone they really respect in their formative years. I had one just like that. He was just older than me by a couple of years. We were classmates. But he seemed like a really wise old man to my eyes. He was very talented. Perhaps it's why I kind of looked up to him. I respect and admire talented people.

I respected this guy so much that whenever I ran into difficulty or a dilemma, I would always think, what would he do in this situation? He was far more mature than I was, which I guess is only understandable since didn't really actually mature until I was around 30 years old.

I'm over 40 now and I look back a lot towards the old days, and once in a while I would think of this guy. And I remember the things he said, the things he did. And remembering his words and actions with my 40 year old mind I realize one thing.

He was a fucking sonofabitch.

He would constantly insult me, and point out my shortcomings. He couched it all in jokes and almost instantaneous "sorrys" that I just let it pass. I never really let any of his observations about my shortcomings penetrate and get to me. But upon reflection years later, I realize what a complete fool I've been. I see now that he really wanted to insult me each and every time, and followed it up with sorry hoping that I'd let him off the hook. He probably knew how well I regarded him and that I would allow him to do it. How little he must have thought of me to say all those things. How inferior he must thought I was, and probably still do. He must have been laughing at me all that time.

I've had occasion to work with him for a short time a few years ago. The job was pleasant enough but I feel I had been disadvantaged when some terms that have been agreed upon never happened. I was forgiving because this guy was my friend, but once again, I realize how badly I was treated. He never even lifted a finger to help me. Or even say sorry things didn't work out.

It's very disappointing. It's even more disappointing when your heroes die. I'm also kind of angry at myself for not seeing it soon enough.

Happiness at the Tin-tin 15 Screening

2010-06-06T10:26:00.002+08:00

It was an awesome first screening of the short film I was in. It was great being with the cast again. I was so happy!

I'm gonna miss these guys!

Happiest Day of my Life

2010-05-31T09:11:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I spent the day swimming with a bunch of my best buddies. I was so happy. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I love you guys!

Let's do this again soon!!

I Don't Like A Lot of Things

2010-05-28T14:22:00.001+08:00

As I get older, I find that there are many things I have less patience for. Is it because I'm just less tolerant of stuff or am I just getting grumpy in my middle age? Perhaps both.

Lots of stuff about Facebook drives me nuts. Like when people tag me photos, videos and notes that have nothing to do with me. There's a reason why tagging is meant to indicate "Photos of YOU", "Videos of YOU" or "Notes about YOU". That means you (that means ME) are in the photo, video or note. That's the purpose of tagging. It's to allow people who have photos of you to share them with you.

But people just don't get it. People rather tag other people so they can show their own photos, their own stuff, their own products, their own whatevers. Pretty soon your folder of "Photos of YOU" or "Videos of YOU" gets filled with photos and videos that don't have YOU in it, but all the other people's CRAP. They're just using the Facebook tag feature to SPAM other people. Don't they get this? Don't they get it's fucking annoying?

If they want to share something with me, then fine. Send me the photo directly. Send me a message to check it out. Don't the fuck put it in folders that are meant for MY stuff. Don't use my wall to advertise your stuff. I don't post my shit in other people's walls by tagging their name to it. I've never done that. I only post my shit on my own wall.

Yeah, I'm old and I just don't know how to use Facebook. FINE.

If I didn't find Facebook useful in other ways like getting in touch with long lost friends and maintaining a few other friendships, I would have just left the damned site already.

This Video Makes me Happy

2010-05-19T09:47:00.005+08:00

I have an aversion for fan made videos, specially those that lipsynch songs by recording artists. In fact, I almost didn't bother watching this one. But I'm glad I gave it a chance because I just love it now. It's corny and cheesy to bits, but that's part of the charm of the video. It's fun, and most of all, it makes me happy. I never get tired of watching it.

I find it awesome that Bruce Springsteen still manages to find fans among those who are still teens and still remain relevant to them. Watching this video, you will get a peek into the power of the music of Bruce and why it's become relevant even to a non-American, living halfway around the world.

Change Careers! For a day or two...

2010-05-04T06:14:00.000+08:00

Writing this in quickly. Today I become an actor. *naks* Hopefully I don't screw it up big freakin' time. This is no crazy one man indie movie like the Wasted movie thing I did a while back or my nutty You Tube stuff. This one has an entire cast, crew, director, location etc. etc. I was invited to be one of the main characters (a baddie!) with lots of lines (oh God!). We shoot for only one day (maybe 2) and it's shot here in San Pablo City, so I was pretty game.

I don't know what to expect. I'm kind of nervous. See you guys on the other side!

Jojo Acuin and Me

2010-05-02T17:29:00.000+08:00

Jojo Acuin was a regular fixture of Philippine TV and print for a long time. He was a "psychic" who claimed to predict the future. the "Nostradamus of the Philippines" they call him. I don't remember any particular prediction of his that came true, but he certainly was famous for having predicted "something". I am kind of a skeptic when it comes to psychics. While I am by no means an atheist, as I do believe in certain things beyond the rational world, I have had a very low regard for psychics.

Never in a million years did I think Jojo Acuin's path and mine would ever cross, but it did.

It was sometime in 1995. I was working for this architect who will remain unnamed. Let me say that I have nothing personal against my old boss. In fact, I thought he was a good guy, a nice guy. Normally. Maybe he was just a little too carried away by his superstitions that one time.

Along with his Architecture practice, he also had a chain of groceries. One such grocery opened in Quezon City and he asked me, along with a few other guys in the office to be at the opening and man the aisles. I was thinking, WTF, I'm an Architect and he's got me doing security for his grocery. WTF?! I went anyway because everyone went.

I was glum as I walked the grocery aisles. In one particular aisle, I almost bumped into this guy. He stood there, kind of glaring at me with searing, frightening eyes. It was Jojo Acuin. And in my mind I said, "Holy shit, it's Jojo Acuin!" He said nothing. He stared at me, not moving. And then he walked away. The encounter freaked me out. Did he see anything, divine anything from my presence?

I hung around for half an hour more and I bolted back home. I didn't see Jojo Acuin again.

The following day I encountered a group of crying young women outside our office. They were the girls who worked at the grocery. I asked one girl why she was crying, and she said that our boss had ordered all of them to cut their hair short. As in very short. Almost like a regular boy's cut. And that the cost of the haircut would come out of their own salaries. If they didn't abide, they were fired. Apparently, it had been Jojo Acuin's "revelation". He said that the hairs should be cut really short so that as the hairs grow back, the business would grow along with it.

I got really angry. VERY angry. I thought it was wrong for a lot of different reasons. To me a person's hair is private business. I got angry because the girls were never given any choice.

I thought, let him try that fucking stunt with ME.

In 1995 I had really long hair. And I was thankful for it because it allowed me to match nerves with the boss. I knew he was eyeing my hair quite a lot but he couldn't just order me, an Architect in his office, to cut it off. He tried to be funny about it.

He came into the office one day, sweating and exasperated, fan in hand saying how HOT it was and wasn't I feeling hot? I said I was OK. He said he had scissors inside the house and help relieve my plight. I tried to be funny as well. I drew an air-conditioner unit on an illustration board and hung it up on the wall. He laughed it off, but repeated his "hint" to me a day or so later.

I felt things would just get worse from there so I just decided to quit a day or so later, and never came back.

I don't want to say anything bad about a dead man, but Jojo Acuin did make a lot of girls feel miserable on that day. And to what end? The grocery didn't last very long anyway, so his "revelation" turned out to be bogus.

Rest in peace Jojo. There's nothing more I can say.

Better on a Birthday

2010-04-04T17:53:00.000+08:00

Today is the 7th death anniversary of my father in law, and former comic book illustrator Rudy Florese. Ilyn and I went to SPC Memorial to visit his grave. To those who have been to SPC Memorial, the place is absolutely HUGE. But in the acres and acres of land area, and hundreds upon hundreds of graves, we were the only two people there, aside from the tricycle driver who volunteered to wait for us.

It was a very nice visit. Very quiet. Very solemn. It allowed us to really reflect on the person whose resting place we visited.

More and more I think it's better to visit relatives who have passed away on the anniversary of their death, or even much better, on their birthday. Me, I would like that. If I died, I really would like it if people visited my grave on my birthday rather than on November 1 or 2 when every single freakin' denizen of the city would be there, turning the entire place into a circus.

That video was taken 4 years ago. It was one of the last times we visited SPC Memorial on November 1. As you can see, the crowd is insane. How can one quietly reflect in a circus like that?

That said I already have a small plot of land reserved for me at SPC Memorial when I die. All four of us in my family do. My mom, my dad, my brother and I. Some people think it's a morbid idea to purchase the plot of land you're going to be buried in well in advance (my dad bought the 4 lots for us sometime in the early 1980's), but I believe it's only practical.

I mean all those 4 lots we bought for only 4000 pesos at the time. Today? I can't even imagine. Today each lot may well be more than P20,000. Lots more I'm sure as I'm only basing this price on how much it was in 2003.

Back to birthdays. Yeah, I would love it if people come to visit my grave on my birthday. And if you can bring a Batman and Robin birthday cake, complete with a Batcave, I believe I would be extremely happy.

April Fool

2010-04-01T00:52:00.000+08:00

There you go. I just unleashed another April Fool's gag at my main blog. I do this every year and have done so for as long as I remember. For the most part it's not that effective anymore because people expect it from me. But someway, somehow, there is that one or two guys who just get conned. It never fails!

Last year's gag got a lot of people because the gag was grounded in reality. It was a little too real for some people. It was me trying to make an April Fool's gag that people didn't expect. Somehow, me quitting comics to become an actor for economic reasons didn't seem all that far fetched.

This year I take it up a notch, but at the same time, made the gag much more obvious. It's an elaborate gag that I put into motion weeks ago. I disappeared from most online sites I haunt like Twitter, Facebook, Plurk and most importantly, my main blog for around 10 days preceding April 1.

A few people started to notice that I was gone. One was worried enough to get in touch via the phone. One suspected that I was up to something foolish this April.

It's still early so it's hard to gauge what reaction I get this year. But it's the most elaborate gag I've pulled, and it's probably the farthest I will ever go. Most likely none will get conned, but it's nevertheless fun to have done it!

I Loved Fire

2010-03-31T09:37:00.000+08:00

What does childhood fascination with fire mean? Some studies say that it's a warning sign that the child could grow up to be a serial killer. Or an arsonist. Maybe both. I grew up to become a comic book artist. Which may be worse to some, because I get to corrupt minds! Oh yeah.

One particular thing with fire I did was when I was around 7. I would cook candle wax in a metal bottle cap. When it got so hot, the wax would catch fire. At which point I would throw water on it. For some reason, the burning wax reacts violently to fire and it unleashes a huge ball of flame. It was awesome.

I did it under a tree once, and a few days later, all the leaves under the fire, even though the leaves were 15-20 feet high, they all died.

One particular time I was sitting a little too close when I threw the water. Whooooomph it went, and I suddenly smelled something bad. A weird metallic kind of burning smell. Turns out it was my hair. That didn't stop my fascination with fire though. It would take several years yet, and one particular incident.

The Personal Thing

2010-03-31T08:43:00.000+08:00

I already have a blog. You can find it here: http://www.komikero.com. That blog has everything about my work. As the site became all about my work, I increasingly felt it inappropriate to post certain personal things. I already created a 2nd blog, a personal blog right here at Blogger, but I felt it didn't work right so I'm starting over.

I really won't talk about comics or videos here because that's what the other blog is for. This is for other things. As to what, I'm sure it will all follow.